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June 11, 2009

What's In A Name?

It is frustrating. His name is not "Baby Boy" or "Male" or "Fetus." Apparently no medical people care about your baby's name when he does not survive. Of course, thinking back, I don't think the medical people care much about your baby's name even when he does survive. I recall a lot of stuff for Dylan saying "Baby Boy." I remember during the C-section after he was born I kept asking Darren, "Can we tell people his name now? Can we tell people now?" I'm never sure when the right time is. Now even more than then. At least I told the funeral director his name so it will be on record at the cemetary. I will put it here eventually, but not now. Saying (or writing) his name makes me even more sad because it makes him even more of a real person.

Posted by Terri at June 11, 2009 05:00 PM

Comments

*hugs you so very very tightly*

I hope you don't mind, but when you wrote about what was going on, I've asked people for good thoughts and prayers on your behalf (didn't give a name or any details, just the gist).

There's a flocked post on my LiveJournal with many people sending good thoughts (http://juno-magic.livejournal.com/745189.html).

And aglarien1 maintains a prayers' list for people in fandom on LiveJournal. She asked me to pass along her sympathies. On the prayers' list is a space set aside for mothers and fathers who have lost a child, and she wanted to offer you that your son, you and your family could be included in that list. It's nothing you have to decide now, but I wanted to let you know about it.

Another flist friend of mine is a psychologist who lives in Chicago. She's a specialist for neonatology, for counselling families who have lost a baby or with babies in intensive care. She recommends this book: "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Revised Edition: Surviving the Death of Your Baby" by Deborah L. Davis. She also said that you could contact her if you want and that she has some other books she'd be happy to send to you. If you want to get in touch with her, please send me an e-mail.

I'm so very sorry, Terri, and thinking of you and your family lots and lots and lots.

Posted by: Juno at June 12, 2009 05:54 AM

Terri,

Just wanted to send you some more hugs. Sending you good thoughts and HUGS.

Posted by: Jennifer at June 12, 2009 09:38 PM

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