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May 28, 2006

Post Partum, Day 11

I have the best baby ever! He is lying in his little pack-n-play, all bright eyed, watching me while I type. How Darren and I managed to have a baby with such a good disposition will forever remain a mystery to me.

There is not much else going on here except for eating, pooping, sleeping and looking so incredibly cute it's just isn't real. We're still working on the feeding thing. Oh, I don't think I got into the whole feeding thing.

I decided before I had Dylan that I was going to breastfeed. I breastfed exclusively in the hospital for a few days. Dylan was born Thursday night and at around 1:30 Friday morning they brought him in and I tried to breastfeed. It took 1 1/2 hours and nothing really worked. They said not to worry; he probaby wasn't hungry yet, and we tried again a few hours later. It worked better, but was extremely painful. They assured me that would go away within a week.

Things weren't so hot on Friday. He wasn't latching on and feeding time was a fight - a very painful fight. He would cry that he was hungry and I would cringe, not wanting to face feeding him. That all changed Friday night. We had two excellent feedings. I was beginning to feel confident about the whole breastfeeding thing. Then came Saturday.

By Saturday night, he hadn't had a wet diaper since 3 a.m. and no poopie diapers since 11 a.m. To top it off, his bilirubin was on the rise because he wasn't flushing it out and he was getting dehydrated. He had also lost 7 oz. All because he wasn't getting enough to eat. Basically, I had two choices: supplement with formula or risk having him put under UV light for the jaundice and even worse, it was a real possibility he could end up in the NICU with an IV to rehydrate him.

I was understandably very upset. After giving birth to a completely healthy baby, hearing the words NICU was horrible! So, we decided to supplement.

Forget breastfeeding after that. It became even more of a fight. I did it through the first night I was home (Monday) and then said forget it. I'm not enjoying my baby as much as I could be. He has to eat every few hours and I dread it. So I decided to pump and feed. Not only will feeding time be less stressful for both me and Dylan, but Darren can help feed him too. We can also see exactly how much he eats. And let me tell you, he EATS. When I pump, I've been producing between 2-3 ounces at a time. Generally, it's around 2. Dylan eats close to 4 ounces at a sitting. I'm not sure quite where he is putting it all. So he wasn't getting enough because I wasn't producing enough.

I am slowly coming to terms with that. It's hard, when the lactation consultants say that I caused myself not to produce enough by supplementing in the beggining, but I really don't think we had a choice. It broke my heart to think of the little guy with an IV in him all because I stubbornly refused to feed him anything but breastmilk. I know it's better for him, but drinking only breastmilk and ending up in the NICU is not better than drinking formula.

Oh well. I guess we do the best we can. And I think it's ok. At his last doctor's appointment he had gained back all his birthweight - something they don't expect until the second week - plus and extra 1.5 ounces. He's producing wet diapers like he's supposed to. I'm pretty sure we made the right decision to supplement, but it's still hard sometimes when you hear some people say that if you hadn't, you'd still be breastfeeding.

Posted by Terri at May 28, 2006 02:10 PM

Comments

Hey you do whats right for you and your baby!! Don't listen to others and remmeber mother always knows best.

Happy Anniversary!!

Posted by: Ari at May 28, 2006 04:49 PM

Don't let yourself be guilted out of enjoying your time with Dylan by idiots. IV and all that jazz would be *much* more stressful for your son and for you than supplementing. AND you are still giving him the important first milk. So, there's nothing at all to worry about. Formulas are really good today. Hell, *I* only got formula, and I don't think it hurt me any!

Forget about being what others think is "the perfect mommy" - you *are* the perfect mommy! Because *you* are thinking of what's really best for your kid. And that's not a desperate fight each feeding time.

You're doing great!!!

*huggles*

Hey, do you have an lj name for him yet? I think there are some people over in lj land waiting for news!

Posted by: Juno at May 28, 2006 05:10 PM

Hey Terri!
Congrats on your adorable little guy! I'm glad you see early on that enjoying your baby is more important than exclusive breastfeeding. Just do the best that you can. FOrget about the lactation consultants...they are paid breastfeeding cheerleaders that think that if you do anything other than breastfeeding, you failed. That's completely untrue. When you are relaxed and comfortbale and not completely stressed out about it, that's when your milk production will pick up.
Just do the best you can and enjoy every minute of him! They grow so fast!

Posted by: Jennifer at May 29, 2006 10:13 AM

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