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May 29, 2009

Uber Suckage Beyond All That Which Hath Sucketh Before

So the ultrasound confirmed my fears. Not my worst fears, because my worst fears included ending up with a child so severely disabled that we ended up like one of those families on Extreme Home Makeover whose houses are falling down around them and have no money and their child is dying and their other child is getting the shit end of the stick because of it. But Ty wouldn't come to my house and fix up my house all nice and send us all to Disneyland and we would just have to live with the suck. But anyway, where was I? Oh yes. There was no heartbeat on the ultrasound.

So thank you, everyone, for your kind words, and thoughts and prayers. It meant more than I can say that everyone was pulling for us. I now know what "walking around in a fog" means, because I've been doing it since yesterday afternoon. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

Oh, and then the suckiest of the suck is that the procedure to remove the baby is not until next Friday. So I get to walk around for a week all big and fat and pregnant (or not-pregnant - I'm not even sure what I'm considered now) with a dead baby inside me.

What the hell was I depressed for last time?

Oh, and today's Darren and my tenth anniversary. Happy anniversary to us.

Posted by Terri at 10:13 AM | Comments (6)

May 27, 2009

23 Weeks 1 Day

Nothing new to report. Still haven't felt the baby. Having bad cramps but can't tell if they're intestinal or baby-related. And today I feel sick to my stomach. Not sure if it is the lack of sleep, the stress, or all the goop dripping down from my nose and sinuses.

Edit: Hee hee - Just re-read and had to edit because it said, "Having bad craps." That would have been funny if I hadn't caught that. Well, at least I can still amuse myself. All it takes is potty humor.

Posted by Terri at 08:04 AM

May 26, 2009

23 Weeks, 0 Days

Followup at RWJ showed that the Teratoma grew from 7cm to 11cm in 2 weeks. This is not good. The heart also had the beginnings of fluid around it. We're going back to RWJ on Thursday and down to CHOP next Monday for a full workup and to talk to their people to see what our options are.

Oh, and I haven't really felt the baby kick since Sunday.

Posted by Terri at 02:47 PM | Comments (5)

May 16, 2009

21 Weeks, 4 Days

Met the OB. He was nice, but older than I expected since they said he was friends with my OB and my OB is young. They did the BP/weight/urine/doppler thing and that was it. I think I scared the nurse away, but the doctor had read my chart and knew what was going on and just asked if I had any questions for him and I was like, "Not really."

And the doctor from St Clares called yesterday morning with the full results of the amnio and they're fine. She's awesome. I know they say she's the best in Morris County, but she's also really nice. Actually, everyone's been really nice. I guess they have to be, or else I may turn into Crazy-Stressed-Pregnant-Lady. I wonder if I could get a cape with that title.

Posted by Terri at 09:27 AM | Comments (1)

May 14, 2009

21 Weeks, 2 Days

I get to meet my new OB tomorrow. Yay. Nothing else much is going on except I moved our vacation from the end of August to the July 4th weekend. Hopefully we'll be able to go. I'm not sure since it's still 7 weeks away. (In case you can't tell I'm a little nervous about premature labor or something going wrong where they have to take the baby early). Keep your fingers crossed.

Then we have another appointment at RWJ next Friday and another fetal echo the Tuesday after. More updates after that.

Posted by Terri at 12:52 PM | Comments (1)

May 13, 2009

21 Weeks, 1 Day

Ok, close your eyes and pretend with me for a minute that I have a normal pregnancy and I'm not just eternally grateful that my baby is still alive and kicking. Ok? Got it? Normal pregnancy, normal baby. Ok, great.

I AM SO FREAKING MISERABLE!!!!!! OWWWWW!!!!! EVERYTHING FREAKING HURTS!!!!!!

Thank you. I now return you to your regularly scheduled, high-risk pregnancy.

Posted by Terri at 12:59 PM | Comments (1)

May 11, 2009

20 Weeks, 6 Days

Yes, you read that right. I have re-adjusted my due date yet again. I have no idea when it is, so why should anyone else.

Thursday night we had our Fetal Echo at Morristown. The heart was well formed and had good function, but they couldn't get a picture of the pulminary arteries and the septum dropped off in the picture. The doctor said not to worry as this was common, but they wanted to see me back in a few weeks.

Friday we went to Robert Wood Johnson where I had another Ultrasound, a Fetal MRI and back again for another Ultrasound. After all that, they believe it is a Cervical Teratoma. There is good news and bad news:

Good News:
- the doctor I'm dealing with has managed 3 of these cases, 2 with excellent results and 1 with lesser results. In that case, the baby survived, but with brain damage and facial deformity, but his teratoma was growing into his brain.
- at this time, the heart is not straining and I do not have an excess of amniotic fluid
- they saw the pulminary arteries and they were formed fine
- there are not a lot of blood vessels going into the teratoma, so it may not grow fast

Bad News
- the teratoma is very large and at any time the baby's heart could start having probems
- the baby's mouth was not open at any time during the ultrasound. This could indicate that the teratoma is keeping him from being able to open his mouth and therefore, he will not be able to drink the amniotic fluid.

They want to see me again in 2 weeks, to continue to monitor how this is progressing. Best case scenario, if I make it to 36-37 weeks they will do an EXIT surgery on me at that point. In the meantime, they are monitoring to make sure the heart is ok and the fluid doesn't build up. If the fluid builds up, they can do a half-hour long amnio to remove fluid, which sounds like a joy. If the heart starts having trouble, then we have to assess whether the baby can be delivered at that time or if something else has to be done. I'm not quite sure what "something else" is, but there was talk about in-utero surgery.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I have my first OB appointment with my shiny new OB. I'm sure he's going to love me. "Hi, nice to meet you. By the way, you won't be delivering my baby, so just have fun taking my blood pressure and dopplering my stomach. Thanks."

So, I will leave you with a conversation we had getting into the car after dinner this Saturday at Friday's. Just to lighten things up a bit.

Me: I know I said I wasn't going to complain about pregnancy...
Darren: I'm sensing a big "but"
Me: Ha ha - yeah - that's my big but.
Darren: Mommy's got a big ol' butt.
Me: Oh yeah!
Dylan: (what sounds to me like) Mommy has a little butt.
Me: Aww! Dylan, I think that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me! Thank you for saying I have a little butt!
Dylan: I said Daddy. Daddy has a little butt.

This was very amusing to Darren.

Posted by Terri at 10:14 AM | Comments (1)

May 07, 2009

21 Weeks, 3 Days

So, apparently the due date is a moot point, so I'll keep it where it is.

Got back the results of the amnio. There are no genetic defects and we're having a boy. So that's good, at least.

Tonight we have a fetal echocardiogram at Motown. Tomorrow we spend the day at Robert Wood Johnson getting ultrasounds and fetal MRI and talking to doctors.

I did more research on the internet, and apparently there is also this thing called Cystic Hygroma, which can be caused by chromosomal abnormalities (hence the amnio, I'm guessing), but doesn't have to be, and MRI is used to distinguish it from Cervical Teratoma. I'm not sure which is worse, it was difficult to tell. Basically, they both suck, so there you go. I eventually stopped reading stuff because it's better not to drive myself crazy until we talk to the doctors and have these tests. Besides, LOST was on last night and I had to read all the new theories about what happened on the show.

Anyway, I am still remaining hopeful. There is a chance of a healthy kid and that is what I'm holding on to. And I so miss whining about pregnancy. Life was so much more simple when I was complaining about how much I dislike being pregnant. (For the record, I still detest being pregnant, but I'm not complaining anymore).

Posted by Terri at 01:48 PM | Comments (5)

May 05, 2009

21 Weeks, 1 Day?

Possibly incorrect, because my due date is anywhere from the 14-21. I have no clue. But that is not the worst of it.

Went for my "routine" 20 week ultrasound today. And by "routine" I mean, "ha ha ha ha - yeah right." We're having a boy. And we'll know for sure this time because I had an amnio also, but I'll get to that.

During the ultrasound, they detected an "abnormality" by the baby's neck. An abnormality that is roughly the size of the baby's whole head, if not bigger. The doctor (who is now acting as my doctor since my doctor is undergoing chemo and the new doctor doesn't know me from adam) says she thinks it is a Cervical Teratoma, which ends in -oma and sounds like cancer to me, but she says a lot of times they are benign.

Of course, I brought Dylan with me to the ultrasound so he could see the baby. Perfect.

So I called Darren, who was at work, and he came to the hospital and brought Dylan to school. I got an amnio, which was not as bad as I thought, but didn't feel like a blood test like they told me it would. It felt more like the spinal I had for my c-section, except in the belly instead of the spine. It was more upsetting and scary than painful. Then we had a 3D ultrasound and got to see the baby's face, which would have been cool had it not been for the circumstances.

And now we're waiting. I won't be delivering at the hospital where I had Dylan - so it is kind of a moot point that my doctor isn't able to deliver this baby. I have to have a c-section, like it or not (which is fine with me). We're waiting to hear from Morristown to schedule a baby EKG, because when they detect this kind of abnormality, they want to check the heart as well. Then the doctor is calling around to find out who does baby MRIs because we have to do that to determine what exactly this thing is and where exactly it is growing.

According to what I'm reading on the internet, "An uncommon tumor. More than 150 cases have been reported." One fifty?? Perfect. Why couldn't it be like, 5000 or something big where they take care of this a lot?

Anyway, that's that. I'm sure there will be more to come. I'm still waiting to wake up and find out this too is a dream, like the one where I had pre-eclampsia. I would so trade for that right now.

EDIT: "I don't want some stranger cutting me open in September." ... HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh, that's funny now.

Posted by Terri at 12:50 PM | Comments (5)

May 04, 2009

21 Weeks, 0 Days

Yay! More than halfway there!!!

I got to cross a few more things off the list. Daycare is taken care of. The baby will go to the same daycare Dylan started out at. The teachers were very excited about that, but disappointed that Dylan wasn't coming back. I had forgotten how much they loved him.

Registry - done. Although there are only like 3 things on it since we already have most everything.

Choosing names - done. But we are not sharing until the baby is born and named.

I'm feeling kicks now, although compared to Dylan's they are nothing. Thank goodness, because I think another crazy child would be too much.

I think I may go order birth announcements. I am that bored today.

Peace out.

Posted by Terri at 11:11 AM | Comments (0)