June 15, 2009

Week From Hell Revisited

So, as you know, on Thursday, May 28 we found out the news that the pregnancy was "no longer viable" (doctor speak). But what happened the week following that when I pretty much maintained radio silence? Inquiring minds want to know. Well, whether they do or not, I'm going to share anyway. And beware. It can get icky.

Continue reading "Week From Hell Revisited"

Posted by Terri at 01:41 PM | Comments (5)

June 11, 2009

What's In A Name?

It is frustrating. His name is not "Baby Boy" or "Male" or "Fetus." Apparently no medical people care about your baby's name when he does not survive. Of course, thinking back, I don't think the medical people care much about your baby's name even when he does survive. I recall a lot of stuff for Dylan saying "Baby Boy." I remember during the C-section after he was born I kept asking Darren, "Can we tell people his name now? Can we tell people now?" I'm never sure when the right time is. Now even more than then. At least I told the funeral director his name so it will be on record at the cemetary. I will put it here eventually, but not now. Saying (or writing) his name makes me even more sad because it makes him even more of a real person.

Posted by Terri at 05:00 PM | Comments (2)

June 09, 2009

Still Here

So apparently my boobs did not get the memo that there is no baby for whom to produce milk. Either that or they're 3 years late. On the positive side of this, I have a great rack right now.

Obviously, I survived the procedure/surgery. I'll write about that eventually. I just don't feel like it right now. I'm off for the next two weeks, so maybe I'll get to it soon.

Oh, and my feet are all swollen now too. Joy.

Posted by Terri at 10:03 AM | Comments (3)

June 02, 2009

Just Trying To Get Through The Days

Went to ER last night - couldn't breathe. Put on Nebulizer treatment.
Went to PCP today - throwing up all day. He wouldn't give me the awesome anti-nausea shot, in case the nausea is indicative of another problem. But I got Xanax, so I'm feeling a little better.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the end. The first "D" of the D&C or D&E, depending on who you talk to. I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified. Well, as terrified as you can get when you're stoned on Xanax.

Posted by Terri at 05:56 PM | Comments (2)

May 29, 2009

Uber Suckage Beyond All That Which Hath Sucketh Before

So the ultrasound confirmed my fears. Not my worst fears, because my worst fears included ending up with a child so severely disabled that we ended up like one of those families on Extreme Home Makeover whose houses are falling down around them and have no money and their child is dying and their other child is getting the shit end of the stick because of it. But Ty wouldn't come to my house and fix up my house all nice and send us all to Disneyland and we would just have to live with the suck. But anyway, where was I? Oh yes. There was no heartbeat on the ultrasound.

So thank you, everyone, for your kind words, and thoughts and prayers. It meant more than I can say that everyone was pulling for us. I now know what "walking around in a fog" means, because I've been doing it since yesterday afternoon. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

Oh, and then the suckiest of the suck is that the procedure to remove the baby is not until next Friday. So I get to walk around for a week all big and fat and pregnant (or not-pregnant - I'm not even sure what I'm considered now) with a dead baby inside me.

What the hell was I depressed for last time?

Oh, and today's Darren and my tenth anniversary. Happy anniversary to us.

Posted by Terri at 10:13 AM | Comments (6)

May 27, 2009

23 Weeks 1 Day

Nothing new to report. Still haven't felt the baby. Having bad cramps but can't tell if they're intestinal or baby-related. And today I feel sick to my stomach. Not sure if it is the lack of sleep, the stress, or all the goop dripping down from my nose and sinuses.

Edit: Hee hee - Just re-read and had to edit because it said, "Having bad craps." That would have been funny if I hadn't caught that. Well, at least I can still amuse myself. All it takes is potty humor.

Posted by Terri at 08:04 AM | Comments (0)

May 26, 2009

23 Weeks, 0 Days

Followup at RWJ showed that the Teratoma grew from 7cm to 11cm in 2 weeks. This is not good. The heart also had the beginnings of fluid around it. We're going back to RWJ on Thursday and down to CHOP next Monday for a full workup and to talk to their people to see what our options are.

Oh, and I haven't really felt the baby kick since Sunday.

Posted by Terri at 02:47 PM | Comments (5)

May 16, 2009

21 Weeks, 4 Days

Met the OB. He was nice, but older than I expected since they said he was friends with my OB and my OB is young. They did the BP/weight/urine/doppler thing and that was it. I think I scared the nurse away, but the doctor had read my chart and knew what was going on and just asked if I had any questions for him and I was like, "Not really."

And the doctor from St Clares called yesterday morning with the full results of the amnio and they're fine. She's awesome. I know they say she's the best in Morris County, but she's also really nice. Actually, everyone's been really nice. I guess they have to be, or else I may turn into Crazy-Stressed-Pregnant-Lady. I wonder if I could get a cape with that title.

Posted by Terri at 09:27 AM | Comments (1)

May 14, 2009

21 Weeks, 2 Days

I get to meet my new OB tomorrow. Yay. Nothing else much is going on except I moved our vacation from the end of August to the July 4th weekend. Hopefully we'll be able to go. I'm not sure since it's still 7 weeks away. (In case you can't tell I'm a little nervous about premature labor or something going wrong where they have to take the baby early). Keep your fingers crossed.

Then we have another appointment at RWJ next Friday and another fetal echo the Tuesday after. More updates after that.

Posted by Terri at 12:52 PM | Comments (1)

May 13, 2009

21 Weeks, 1 Day

Ok, close your eyes and pretend with me for a minute that I have a normal pregnancy and I'm not just eternally grateful that my baby is still alive and kicking. Ok? Got it? Normal pregnancy, normal baby. Ok, great.

I AM SO FREAKING MISERABLE!!!!!! OWWWWW!!!!! EVERYTHING FREAKING HURTS!!!!!!

Thank you. I now return you to your regularly scheduled, high-risk pregnancy.

Posted by Terri at 12:59 PM | Comments (1)

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